29 November 2009


I have spent all day sitting in this chair... in front of the computer... surrounded by books... writing a paper ... wondering if I have what it takes to make it through this program.

Each month as a new class starts, I think, "okay, if I can just make it through this one, next month will be easier.  I'll have less going on, and it will be easier to focus... so just get through this one."  Although I am getting closer to my goal every day, I still feel like I am getting closer and closer to burning out.

Thankfully, when I have my mental meltdowns, and figure it would be easier to just go get a job at Taco Bell, CSB seems to always be right there to give me a hug and a pep talk.  I don't know how I got so lucky, he is amazing.

Three weeks until Winter Break.  Thirteen days with the students.  So much to do between now and then.  I have a feeling I'll be doing my Christmas shopping on December 23rd.

No matter what, it will all get done.  In a year (or so) from now,  I'll be looking back at this time and thinking about how important it was that I made it through.  Everything I'm doing right now is not just for my security, or even 'family' security, it's not just for the students who are looking to me for guidance and knowledge, but mostly for the ShortBus who will be able to look up to his mom who worked hard for a stable and secure future.  His mom the teacher.  His mom who has a "higher education."  His mom, is a strong, smart, hard-working woman who will power through this moment of yuck because she knows that on the other side is a lifetime of worth-it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

He might just take it all for granted until he has to do some hard things himself, or if he reads something like this. Then all of a sudden it will mean something to him. It is hard to understand what our parents go thru until we go through it ourselves. Youre right about looking back and being glad you did it. That time will come sooner than you think. Be proud.

Another Mother