25 April 2007
Oscar has been having issues. Pretty much since the day I first brought him home 12 years ago (nearly 12 years to the day), the cat has had some kind of issue. He's always been a fighter... literally, I'd open the door to let him outside, he'd make a bee-line for the first cat he saw, pick a fight, and get his ass kicked. I have spent literally thousands of dollars on the vet keeping this animal alive. His 'file' with her is pages and pages long, we giggled about it the last time I saw her.
Today, I spent the last $50 I will ever spend on him. He is not coming home. He has gone back to the place where I picked him up a lifetime ago, the pound. The official documents say that he is to be euthanized because of "illness." And, indeed it is true, he had skin cancer on his nose, among other more minor issues. But, because he was ill, and was not adoptable, the nice girl at the desk told me that he would be 'put down today, so he doesn't suffer in a cage.'
great. thanks. I feel so much better with that knowledge.
I realize that this was the best thing for the cat, for me, for the neighborhood cats who were tired of regularly having to kick his ass.... but it was still very difficult.
I was always the kid who brought home stray pets. I was the kid who felt guilty getting rid of stuffed animals, because I just knew it hurt their feelings. I was the kid who would find a half-dead bird in the yard that some cat mauled, and would take it to my mom crying and begging her to take it to the vet. I was the kid that freaked out when the neighbor kid stomped on a snail.... "what did that snail ever do to you!?"
Now I'm trying to figure out a way to comfort that kid, because she's totally crushed to have been instrumental in the death of another living thing. A living thing I had cared for and nurtured back to health when he was practically dying, a living thing who's life I had saved time and time again... only to kill him now.
So, here is to the end of an era.
The Age of Oscar....
The meanest cat I've ever met,
The first pet I acquired post-marriage,
The cat who peed on Matt a week after I moved out.
I'm going to miss that stinkin' feline.
[Jill: he told me to bite you for him next time I see you, to say good-bye... then he told me to run, because you bite back.]
(photo to come when I get my desktop back)
24 April 2007
I do have words. Many words. For each of them. I can't narrow it down to just one per person, so I decided to do a list of words. See if you can figure out which ones are yours (oh yes, everyone has more than one, and many overlap)...
True - Generous - Fearless - Supportive -Chivalrous - Loving - Seeker - Trusting - Believer - Real - Creative - Strong - Dreamer - Compassionate - Understanding - Sweet - Honest - Muse (inspiring?) - Unconditional - New - Friend - Funny - Not-Subtle - Fun
As I'm watching and thinking, and reading, and words are occurring to me randomly throughout the day, a thought arises: I could actually sit down with each and every one of my friends and tell them exactly what it is that I love about them.
Definitely NOT something I have had the luxury of saying about everyone in my life over the years.
Thank you all for being an important part of my life.
22 April 2007
21 April 2007
a day where I kept wishing my phone would ring... but it didn't.
a day where I wanted to get specific things done... but it was raining.
a day where I should have maintained a constant emotion... but I was on a rollercoaster.
a day where I expected to enjoy some solitude... but I was lonely.
a day where I never intended to question myself... but every thought I had was a question.
Yet also a day, where, despite the weather, I accomplished a lot. I had a great surprise this morning in a sneek-preview of a new album I'm greatly anticipating (and it is wonderful). I'm getting ready to enjoy a nice quiet dinner with my son. The rain really is beautiful.
Tomorrow is a new day. We're going to spend the day 'touring' San Francisco.
It will be better. It will be good.
18 April 2007
The other one just has too much stuff to take the sheers down, but I think I'll go out and get some fabric soon, maybe some curtains or something. Its also worth noting that both of those shelving units are Tela's, not mine... I appreciate the loan.
Well, its more like a room... but a biggish room.... pictures anyone?
my 'bedroom' area (not sure how I feel about the sheers, I think they're coming down):
The 'living' area (the TV will eventually be on that table):
The Short Bus zone:
Time to hang some pictures, and add some little detail-y stuff. Anyone want to come over and help?
10 April 2007
Yes, I've been MIA lately.
At this point, I haven't slept in my own bed for nearly two weeks.
No one wants to give me a job. My bank account is dwindling.
My truck sucks down too much gas, I really need to go trade it in (I love my truck).
Its looking more and more like I can't (and really shouldn't) go down to Southern Faire this weekend.
hm... yeah... a little down today.
I know it will get better. I know good things are coming. I know I'm being impatient. I know I could use a good cry. I know my best friend just handed me a bloody mary, I suppose life could be worse.
06 April 2007
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next three sentences in my comments.
The book closest to me doesn't have three sentences beyond the fifth on page 23, so I'll just post the whole page:
The five colors blind the eye.
The five tones deafen the ear.
The five flavors dull the taste.
Racing and hunting madden the mind.
Precious things lead one astray.
Therefore the sage is guided by what he feels and not by what he sees.
He lets go of that and chooses this.
"Tao Te Ching"
05 April 2007
I've been quiet.
A little too quiet if you ask me.
I have been so busy I haven't even had time to write down the thoughts that do occur to me. I also haven't spent much time on my own recently, which also takes away from my writing.
I'll be back with updates soon.