04 March 2007

On Feeling Alive

Great friends.
Good food.
Good wine.
Sweet parting.

Yummy beer.
Lovely music.
Warm fire.
Tender touch.

Hot coffee.
Nice chatting.
Laughing & Crying... happy & excited.

Unbearable impatience.

Sitting, staring at a blank screen.
Smiling to myself (inside and out).
Knowing.
Life is truly to be lived.

Jumping in with both feet, and my eyes open.

There are times when words just won't do. I have no way to express how thankful I am, what my emotional state is, how heavily the good is outweighing the bad. How much I am looking forward to each new day when I lay down to go to sleep at night. I haven't done that in years.

In late December, I had a therapist tell me, "I really don't think you are physically or chemically depressed, you are what I would call 'situationally' depressed."

And I was, for years... I just didn't know it. Since I have started taking steps to change my situation, I haven't been "depressed" (sad at times, hurt at times, even guilty at times, but not depressed), as a matter of fact, it has been like a fog is slowly lifting. The weight and tension in the air is receding, and I'm seeing shafts of sunlight breaking through clouds which once only held a tiny gleam of silver lining.

3 comments:

CamiKaos said...

it is so good to hear that for you life is looking so bright. i was already smiling when i sat down to read, but now my cheeks hurt.

Bubblewench said...

What an awesome post. Thank you.

Mum2Angus said...

I'm so glad that things are really going your way. You've got so much good Karma built up you should be good to go for at least a few years. ;-)