30 November 2009

Crossing the Finish Line

 The last day of November.
The last day of Thanksgiving break.

Somehow I managed to do *most* of the "extra" work I planned to do over the break today.  I can't say that I'm entirely thrilled with my November posts, but I can say that I posted something every day for 30 days in a row... for the third year in a row.  Not so shabby.  Next year, I'll do better... or, when I realize that I'm not happy with the quality of my writing, I'll stop.

Right now, it is one more goal that I set for myself that I have successfully completed.  That may just be the bump I need to make it through to the end of the year.

Happy December Everyone.

29 November 2009


I have spent all day sitting in this chair... in front of the computer... surrounded by books... writing a paper ... wondering if I have what it takes to make it through this program.

Each month as a new class starts, I think, "okay, if I can just make it through this one, next month will be easier.  I'll have less going on, and it will be easier to focus... so just get through this one."  Although I am getting closer to my goal every day, I still feel like I am getting closer and closer to burning out.

Thankfully, when I have my mental meltdowns, and figure it would be easier to just go get a job at Taco Bell, CSB seems to always be right there to give me a hug and a pep talk.  I don't know how I got so lucky, he is amazing.

Three weeks until Winter Break.  Thirteen days with the students.  So much to do between now and then.  I have a feeling I'll be doing my Christmas shopping on December 23rd.

No matter what, it will all get done.  In a year (or so) from now,  I'll be looking back at this time and thinking about how important it was that I made it through.  Everything I'm doing right now is not just for my security, or even 'family' security, it's not just for the students who are looking to me for guidance and knowledge, but mostly for the ShortBus who will be able to look up to his mom who worked hard for a stable and secure future.  His mom the teacher.  His mom who has a "higher education."  His mom, is a strong, smart, hard-working woman who will power through this moment of yuck because she knows that on the other side is a lifetime of worth-it.

28 November 2009


Great day, although it somehow managed to get hot inside the Cow Palace.  A warm day in San Francisco at the end of November.  I never thought I'd see so many hot sweaty people in the streets of downtown London... in the winter.  It was kind of amusing.

Tomorrow I do homework.

And, maybe write a decent blog. 

27 November 2009

Playing Dress-Up

There is something about dressing up in Victorian era clothing that seems to bring out the chivalrous side of the guys.  Give him a hat, vest, some gloves, cloak, or cane (and in some cases all of it together), and the gentleman who is in there year-round comes to the surface.

I really do love the Dickens Fair.  I have several blogs about it bubbling around in my brain.  But, tonight I am tired, and I'm getting up early tomorrow to do it all again.  It is definitely time for sleep.

26 November 2009

PSA: Fire Safety (or: How Giddy Tried to Ruin Thanksgiving)

I just wanted to watch survivor and finish my glass of wine!  Honestly I did.... that was the plan.  That and to start the lovely fire that CSB left ready to go in the fireplace.

Dinner was wonderful, dessert was lovely, dishes were all washed, and the leftovers tucked away for tomorrow.  CSB decided to run one more errand for the night, tying up a loose end for Dickens Fair this weekend, and I thought, "oh!  one more glass of wine, and I'll watch Survivor... and maybe a lovely fire in the fireplace all warm and cozy for when he gets back."

What I didn't know was that he closed the flue.  So here I am happily lighting newspaper and sticks on fire, and wait... shouldn't that smoke be going up instead of into the house?

Suddenly I'm finding that smoke is quickly pouring into the house, there is a raging fire, and my smoke detector is blaring.  Crap.  Within 15 seconds of that thing starting to go off, I was imagining how hard the fire department is going to laugh when they show up to open the chimney flue.  Then I start to cough, and I am shocked at how quickly all this is happening... my brain is saying "but wait, the house isn't on fire, it's just a little smoke."  At the same time, my body is doing what it needs to do to get fresh air into the house, and I remember the whole house fan.  I open the window in ShortBus's room, open the garage door, and pull the cord for the fan.  Within 15 seconds the smoke detector stops screeching at me... but, as I walk into the front part of the house I start coughing again.  I open the back door and the front door to pull fresh air in that way, and then head for the fireplace to open the flue.

Luckily, CSB is on speed dial and my phone was in my pocket.  With his help, the flue is open within seconds, and the smoke that was once filling the house, is now safely flowing the right direction.

Yes, I feel like a moron.

On the other hand, this was my first experience with this amount of smoke, and I never realized how quickly it could build up.  I knew the house was filling with smoke almost immediately, reacted quickly, and still ended up coughing and breathing in more smoke than was safe.  But, because I knew the fire was contained and it was "just smoke", I didn't react as quickly as I could have.

As "they" say, hindsight is 20/20.  Of course, now as I'm sitting here and everything is fine (aside from my scratchy throat and the smell of smoke in the house), I can think about what might have happened, how easily and quickly the smoke could have affected me, and how my five year old son was only two rooms away.

Like I said, yes, I feel like a moron.  But maybe, if I share this story with you, I can help to prevent someone else doing the same thing.  And definitely, if I can feel like a moron, and share that feeling, and someone out there remembers to check the flue (even if you've had fires this season, and all the logs are piled up pretty, and everything seems SET for a fire...) before they strike the match... well then, the fact that I'm a dumbass might help someone else.  And, that is the whole point of sharing the fact that I feel like an idiot with the whole wide interwebz.

Thankful... yes.  Oh so thankful that things didn't end up worse.
Be safe this season...

25 November 2009

My First Thanksgiving

Tomorrow will be the very first time I have ever hosted Thanksgiving dinner in my home.  I am looking forward to it so much more than I ever thought I would.

Not that the thought had never crossed my mind.  I knew that someday it would be my turn,  I just figured that it would be once my parents were quite a bit older.  But, this year, CSB came up with the idea of having dinner here, with my family, in our home.  Our first major holiday since moving in together, and we are hosting dinner.

Long gone are the days of the housewife slaving over the stove all day in her heels, dress, and apron.  Everyone is pitching in: dad is grilling the turkey (yes, you heard me!), mom is making the stuffing, yams, and pumpkin pie, CSB is doing the potatoes and veggies, I am in charge of a salad, cheesecake, and wine (muahahaha!).  In the end it will all come together as one fabulous meal.

Most importantly, I will be surrounded with people that I am so very thankful for, every day.

24 November 2009

How Did That Happen?

I nearly forgot about posting today.  I don't know if that is a good sign or a bad sign.  I didn't spend all day with that little buzz in the back of my head harassing me about posting, yet, if one of the goals here was to create a "habit" of posting (they say it takes 21 days to create a "habit"... not sure who "they" are, but I'm sure they are important, and probably smart), one would think that 24 days later I would just sit down and do it.

I have found that I am oddly disappointed in myself this year.  Yes, I have managed to post each day, but for the most part my posts have lacked substance.  I realize that I have been more busy and tired than I usually am at this time of year, but since we are our own harshest critics, I am wholly unimpressed with what I've come up with over the last month.  I have found that I am definitely a quality over quantity type of person, and I don't know if NaBloPoMo is such a great idea while I am so busy.

The rest of the month just continues to become more busy, and I will continue to type away, and hope for the best.  All the while, feeling guilty that I am not putting my best foot forward.  Forgive me interwebz, I promise to try harder in the future.

23 November 2009


I started my Christmas shopping today.... this may be a record.  I don't think I've ever started this early.

Every year I plan to start my shopping before Thanksgiving.  Between work and Dickens Fair, I end up so busy that I am running around at the last minute doing all my shopping.  This year won't be much different, but I did buy a couple of things today, and I feel slightly better for having done so.

22 November 2009

Lazy Sunday

When I was young, I didn't really think I was much of a "family" person.  I was somewhat solitary, hiding away in my bedroom, burying myself in books and music, avoiding all things social and interactive.

This morning, I woke up to my brother and nephew (who are visiting from Indiana) already up and lounging on the couch, CSB in the kitchen making coffee, and not long after my first sip the ShortBus stumbling out bleary eyed to join us.  Throughout the day, the boys have spent much time playing, and the adults have spent much time relaxing in front of a roaring fire with our laptops.

I deliberately chose to move into a home which is two miles away from my parents' house.  Even though I don't get to spend quite as much time with them as I would like, I get to see them quite often, and just having them nearby is comforting.

This afternoon I walked through the room, stepping over kids and toys, listening to the sound of the fire, tv, familliar voices, and laughter.   A thought occurred to me, "it's like Christmas, only better."  Everyone is happy and healthy, we are all together (well, missing one... she couldn't get the time off work to be here), and for the moment it feels as if time has paused for the briefest second.... allowing me a quick respite from the stress of the "real world" to enjoy a few days with my family.

The list of things I am thankful for is long.  Today, is at the top of that list.

21 November 2009

At The Beginning

Here I am, first day of Thanksgiving break... ShortBus and his cousin destroying playing in ShortBus's room, my brother watching football on the couch, me puttering around the house putting away faire stuff that has been sitting out, cutting up random veggies for the boys to snack on, and cooking up some hot dogs for lunch (I knew those dogs would come in handy at some point). 

Savoring the first day of my staycation.  Thrilled that there are only nine more posts left in November.  Entirely blissed-out on the fact that I only have thirteen work days until I get another staycation. Yes, life is good... very good.

20 November 2009

About the Sex (Sorry Mom)

Yesterday, I went to the salon for my usual cut and color.  I have been going to the same place for several years and Heather always does a brilliant job. 

As I was sitting in the chair, waiting for the color to set and filling in a crossword puzzle on my iTouch, I happened to overhear a conversation between the stylist and her client in the chair next to me.  They were discussing the fact that they were always too tired for sex with their husbands.

It didn't seem to be a lack of desire, just a lack of energy.  One of them actually said, "I always enjoy it, and am glad I did it, but I just don't want to do it very often."  That would be the same one who was saying that she would be laying in bed watching TV and her husband would 'make a pass' at her and she would turn him down, and then he would sit there and pout (that's gotta be sexy).  The other one agreed with her, then went on to talk about how she hated it when her husband would wake her up wanting to have sex, and how that annoyed her.

Wait.  You get annoyed by, and continually turn down, the man you love who is turned on by the sight of you?  Then you giggle with your hairstylist about it?   

I honestly thought I was listening to a conversation between two women who were much older than their voices sounded.  Then I glanced up.  One of them couldn't have been any older than me (mid-thirties), the other was probably in her mid-forties.  I was shocked.  How could two relatively young women be so anti-sex?

What is it about women and marriage that eventually turns them off to sex?  So many theories, so little time.  All I know is that every time I hear a story with statistics about people in their 70s or 80s still having satisfying sex I get excited.  Sex doesn't have to stop because you've been married for X number of years, or because you are X number of years old. 

Enjoy life, don't take anything for granted.

19 November 2009

High School Drama

"One day I feel I'm on top of the world
And the next it's falling in on me
I can get back on
I can get back on
One day I feel I'm ahead of the wheel,
And the next it's rolling over me
I can get back on
I can get back on"

                                                     (from "Far Cry" by Rush)
A couple of weeks ago I was told that I needed to change the textbooks for my classes.  At the beginning of the school year, I had been told to use the "special ed" textbooks.... now, I'm to be using the general ed textbooks.  I finally was able to come up with a time that worked with my classes and the textbook room, and today went down and switched out our textbooks.

When I went in to find the teachers editions, I found a goldmine.  Supplemental materials galore.  Even a supplemental guide for alternative assignments and activities for special education classes.  On top of all that, a daily lesson plan that goes with all the material.  Every day of the year, already outlined, all I have to do is get the stuff together and present it.

Say what?
All this has been sitting here since the beginning of the school year?
All the materials I have been asking for?  All the curriculum and lesson plans I could possibly want?
Overheads, worksheets, videos, CDs, OH MY!

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  I have spent hours upon hours scouring the internet for lessons, in essence trying to re-invent the wheel.  I have asked no less than six people for some kind of outline, syllabus, or overview of how the general ed. English classes were supposed to go.  No one seemed to have any idea.  I have told people over and over and over and OVER again that I feel like I am starting from scratch, I have asked for help so many times I was starting to feel like a broken record.... that no one was hearing.

To know that the things I have been begging for over the last several months have just been sitting on a shelf collecting dust... I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

My life just became infinitely easier.... laugh.
All the wasted weeks floundering and wondering if I was doing it right... cry. 
Getting exactly what I wanted... laugh.
That no one remembered that everything I needed to be an English teacher was sitting right there in plain view... cry.
From this point forward, my students will most definitely be learning exactly what they are supposed to be learning, without my questioning my every lesson plan.... laugh.

I plan to spend the next six weeks organizing everything I have found into one cohesive program... modified for special ed. students.  In between homework and blog posts.... I might even work a little Dickens Fair in there.

18 November 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Guess who's home for the holiday?!?
Hooray!  Can't wait to see my brother & nephew!

17 November 2009

Another Year

Today is CSB's birthday.  (and once again, I say Happy Birthday!)

So, yes, I made a nice dinner, we had yummy chocolate birthday cake, and enjoyed a bottle of wine.  And, as I reflect on another year racing by, I realize that each year we have spent together has been better than the last.  Every day we have the opportunity to spend together is better than the the one before.  I feel so fortunate to be a part of his life and so thankful that life has conspired to bring us together in the way that it has.

As much as he has enjoyed all the little birthday surprises I had planned for him, I have enjoyed his happiness and his enjoyment ten times more.  Over this last weekend I realized that I prefer to plan and watch other people have their birthdays so much more than I enjoy any other holiday.  I absolutely love seeing the people I love happy... and I love being part of the reason for that happiness.  And that, that is what matters.

Happy birthday.

16 November 2009

The Things That Matter

We had a wonderful weekend and I promise to write glowing reviews very soon.

It amazes me every year how the plans for CSB's birthday (which is actually tomorrow) seem to come together, then work out even better than I ever could have imagined.

This year the surprise twist:  wine tasting in a Master Sommelier's personal wine cellar.

I have so much to say about how spectacular our weekend was. 
But, right now, all I can think of is a shower and bed....

15 November 2009

Leave a Message

Giddy can't come to the computer right now... she's busy enjoying a day at the ocean with CSB.

Please leave a message after the post...

14 November 2009

A Dickensian Christmas

If you haven't done this you should.  It is amazing and wonderful and magical... and exactly what getting in the christmas spirit is all about.

I'll be there.. in all my Victorian finery.  Make time for it...  I promise, it will be worth your while.

13 November 2009

A Night Out

Very much looking forward to this performance tonight:

Schick Machine

Happy Friday everyone!

12 November 2009

His Two-Cents

Those of you who know CSB are fully aware that he has some ideas and opinions on things. If you've ever asked for his input, you likely received quite a bit of information. It is one of the (many) things I love about him... he knows things about stuff, and if you ask he isn't afraid to tell you.

This morning, I opted to wear my leather jacket to work. On my way to pick up my attendance sheets, I put my hand into my pocket and was pleasantly surprised to find two pennies tucked into the bottom. Although I am always fully aware those pennies are there awaiting rediscovery, I usually find myself surprised to encounter them for a split second. I rubbed the coins together, and spent just a moment noticing their texture.

During the same space in time, a memory stirs from my subconscious. We were walking from Disney's California Adventure back to Disneyland and CSB quietly turned to offer me a penny. Knowing it was for my thoughts I demurely smirked and shrugged my shoulders, "oh... I don't know... but I'm keeping the penny." A few seconds of silence, a few steps more, then another penny was silently offered to me. This time I smiled, giggled, "is this one because now you want my two cents?" And the penny was tucked into my pocket next to the other.

For nearly a year those pennies have stayed in the same pocket. Any time I tuck my hand in that pocket, they are a small reminder that someone out there truly cares what I'm thinking. They remind me that my silence speaks volumes. They remind me that communication can happen with only a look and a gesture. They remind me that any time I want it, I always have his two cents.

Even in these harsh economic times, two pennies may not have much value to others. But, for me, those two pennies are priceless.

11 November 2009

Where The Wild Things Are (possible spoilers ahead)

We just returned home from seeing Where The Wild Things Are, and I am feeling quite deflated about the whole thing.

I know, a book with only 339 words leaves a lot of room for interpretation over the space of an hour and a half. I expected it to be a little dark, but also a little more lighthearted... ya know, like a kid's movie about "Wild Things" ought to be.

I didn't expect it to be so dark and deep. I really don't know how they got away with billing this as a children's movie. Just putting "puppets" in a movie does not qualify it as a children's movie (as with Coraline, once again, I'm VERY glad I went to see it before taking the ShortBus).

Honestly, I am disappointed in the interpretation of the book. I realize that Maurice Sendak had a hand in the development of the movie, he completely intended for it to be a commentary about the psychology of early childhood development. The post-toddler/pre-teen dealing with the struggles of the growing desire for independence versus the need to have continued dependence upon one's parents. But did it have to be so textbook? I'm pretty sure I had a professor or two in college who could have taught a whole class based around this movie.

I really would have loved for this to be a movie for younger children. Something geared a little more toward a literal interpretation of the book (at least the literal interpretation as I see it). A little boy, behaving in such a way that he gets sent to bed without his supper, and his room actually becoming another world that he escapes to. He has some fun with the "Wild Things," but as the story progresses he realizes he misses his family, and life being all "fun and games" isn't as great as it sounds in theory... so he goes home to the one place in the world where there is always someone who will "love you best of all." When he "returns" home, his actions are not reinforced with chocolate cake, but his dinner is sitting in his room, a warm meal which reminds him that even though he misbehaves, his family still loves him and will always be there to take care of him.

Sometimes, less is more. This is one of those times when much less could have made it so much more.

10 November 2009

Veterans Day

I, for one, like the mid-week day off. In fact, if it ever comes to a vote I would definitely vote for a Wednesday off twice a month. Yes, I brought home paperwork, and yes, I actually plan to do work work and homework tomorrow. But, I'm going to do it at home in my jammies... it's almost like a free day. It isn't a weekend so I don't feel the need to cram in a bunch of fun. I feel the need to relax a bit and get some 'extra' work done.

I actually made myself a to-do list. It is twice as long as it needs to be, but I've given myself permission to pick and choose the couple of things that I WANT to do from it. I don't plan to complete it, but I plan to cross off a couple of things... things that I feel like doing.

But tonight... tonight I'm going to fully enjoy the fact that I have tomorrow off. Curled up on the couch with hot apple cider (spiked with rum), CSB busy in the kitchen (yes, I should be helping), Sinatra on the radio, and nothing better to do than enjoy the evening.

By the way: a hearty thank you to all the vets out there. Not just for the day off, but for the commitment they have made. Many times, those who are under-appreciated are the ones that do the most difficult jobs. One of my all time favorite Futurama quotes comes to mind: "When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."

09 November 2009

Caution: Schmoopy Ahead

You'll have to forgive me...

It must be the weather, the season, the scent of fall in the air. All those cozy fireplaces burning and the dampness in the air.

I have been feeling so schmoopy and romantical lately.

I don't know why this time of year does it to me. For some people it is valentine's day, for others it is an anniversary... for me it seems to be Autumn. It doesn't hurt that I'm in such a great place in my life... a home which is warm and happy, with a man who is kind and caring, a job which is secure, a family who is loving and close, and friends who are open and big-hearted.

Yes, I am definitely lucky... and thankful for all that I have.

08 November 2009


I know it has been over seven months, but I just have to say it again. I love our "new" place. It is the first time I have felt "home" for many, many years.

Life is good.

07 November 2009

My Promise To You (and you, and you, and you...)

If only it were as easy as Dumbledore makes it look.

Writing this blog allows me to take thoughts out of my head, like so many swirling, screaming banshees, and download them to the computer. Much like Dumbledore's Pensieve, I am able to remove these fine, filament-like strands of thought and put them away for safe keeping. Some I share, some I do not.

As we find ourselves a week into NaBloPoMo, I have noticed some interesting trends in blog posting and what people are writing about. I have started to think about the unwritten rules which ought to be proposed throughout the blogosphere. Most importantly, people should be reminded before they hit the "publish" button that what they write is actually being posted on the World Wide Interwebs... for anyone to read.

In the interest of holding myself accountable for what I write for you, my dear interwebs, let me make you several promises:

1- I will never, ever, use my blog as a place to slander or defame the character of another human being.

2- I will keep myself firmly grounded in reality, and within the parameters of what is acceptable behavior... whether online or in "the real world."

3- I will hold myself to only the highest standards for grace, intelligence, honesty, and integrity.

4- I will never use my blog as a venue to air personal problems I have with other people. Private matters within my family and community of friends will always remain private.

As with any other set of words strung together in an effort at communication, these promises are just words. Only you can assign power to them, only you can decide how you feel about the tone and implications. Actions speak volumes, and although I plan to continue writing and posting, I have faith in that my actions can only affirm my words and thus my character. I can only hope that who I am as a person will lend strength and conviction to my words.

06 November 2009

Happy Friday

I do not feel like writing.
I feel like melting into, and becoming one with, the couch.

Also, I will be allowing my brain to turn into goo and run out my ear... but, I'm planning to catch it all in a small bucket so I can use it in a couple of days.

If you see me walking down the street with a bucket, please be careful not to spill it. I have a feeling I might need the contents at some point in the future. But, not tonight.

05 November 2009

Home at Last

Some days... there is nothing nicer than coming home.

Miles Davis on Pandora, glass of wine, and my lappy.
CSB will be home soon.

Please tell me I don't have to stand up again until it is time for bed.
Because I swear, the next person who asks me to "do" something is going to hear a scream which will curdle the blood of the dead.

I have officially reached the point where my calendar is so full that I have multiple double booked meetings between now and christmas... and I have more to schedule. It's not that I want to stop, I just can't do any more. Not won't, not don't want to... physically can not.

But, right at this moment, I am becoming great friends with an expensive bottle of wine.


04 November 2009

Shameless Plug

And people say I'm a bad influence...

Just in time for NaBloPoMo, may I introduce the newest in a long line of lovely blogs: Buckets & Trucks.

I happen to personally know the author and he has had bloggy thoughts brewing for a long while now. I highly recommend reading his stuff. He is funny, intelligent, witty, very charming... and a damn good cook.

Go. Read. Enjoy.

03 November 2009

Wanted: One Starfish

Two years ago I posted this blog: The Star Thrower

Last year, I started teaching and posted the story of The Star Thrower on the wall in my classroom.

One of my coworkers and I both decided we had students that were our "starfish."

This year, I am looking for my starfish (and I'm happy to take on more than one if the opportunity presents itself). After a day like today - five students expelled, two of them mine - I need a reminder.

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man,
do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach
and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly
make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish,
and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made
a difference for that one."

Indeed, I WILL make a difference. Even if for just one.
Click the link, read the story, find your own starfish... we can all do some good in the world.

02 November 2009


Off and on throughout the day I have been thinking about what I was going to write tonight. Waiting for something interesting or exciting to happen... looking for blog fodder stolen from everyday experience. Unfortunately, I've been too busy to see things at my naturally skewed angle. I've had too much Serious Business to take care of to put my own silly twist on life, to take the mundane and spruce it up with the funny.

But wait... there is a daily occurrence in my life that most people would find quite odd. First period PE.

No, I do not participate. As a matter of fact, one of my prep periods is first period. Which is quite nice. I show up to work "on time" and have that early hour to get things accomplished, and prepare for my day. Typically, one of the first things I do is go for a nice little walk to the front office to gather any waiting goodies from my mailbox. On my way, I pass the first period PE class running their laps around the quad. Why they run around the quad instead of the basketball court or football field I have no idea, but they do, and I am glad they do.

You see, that particular class is also an "A-PE" class... Adapted PE... for the mentally and physically disabled students. It is a mainstream class for the disabled students who can handle it. There are two students, that I have noticed, in this class who run with all the other kids, but have their own special flair. Flailing arms, laughter, and one even makes racecar sounds while he's running. It makes me giggle every time.

Some people might find my laughter inappropriate. Some might even find it mean. But, before you judge me, know where my laughter comes from. This is not malicious laughter. I am not laughing at these students, and I am most definitely not laughing at their disabilities. I am laughing at their sheer delight in running. I am laughing at the fact that these teenage kids run with abandon, they yield to the delight of the freedom they are experiencing. These students do not worry about what anyone else is thinking, it doesn't matter to them if they are "doing it right" because just doing it gives them enough pleasure.

I love to watch people do the things they enjoy with passion. It is the joy and the pure innocence in that joy that I appreciate, every morning. I highly recommend that everyone find someone that they can look at at least once a day, and appreciate their passion.

I suppose that is one of the things I love about faire. To wake up on a Saturday or Sunday morning and watch people practice their craft, with passion and with joy, fills me with a lust for life that can't be matched. Somehow, I've managed to surround myself with people who are passionate and live with that type of joy all the time. Cami's writing, Amber's improv, Newcastle's musicians, Glen's quest for the funny, CSB's cooking (among MANY other things), and so many others in my life remind me that life is about having a passion, and enjoying that passion freely.

Today I remind you. Find your passion, and enjoy it with abandon.

01 November 2009

Through the Buttonhole

Perception is everything. How a person perceives the world around them is entirely based upon the filters they are looking through. How a person chooses to react to that perception of the world tells you everything about who they are, where they've been, and where they are headed.

In my never ending quest to balance classy with creepy (in fabulous shoes), I decided that I would be Coraline's Other Mother for Halloween. I also knew that the whole costume would fully depend upon whether or not I could pull off the button eyes. After much experimenting, I finally decided that using spirit gum to attach buttons directly to my face was the only way I could properly do it.

I was very happy with the way the costume turned out, and could actually see more through the buttonholes than I had anticipated. Unfortunately, my depth perception and peripheral vision were severely compromised. Simply put, I had a very narrow view of the world. I was fascinated.

What a grand social experiment, to view the world through the holes of a button, to see how my perception of the world changed based on how I was seeing things. Indeed, the world around me went through some interesting changes.

I moved a little more slowly yet with more purpose. My actions were more thought out and a bit more planned. Mentally, I felt somewhat stunted. Without my peripheral vision, I couldn't tell if someone who wasn't in my direct line of vision was talking to me or someone behind me. There were several times I responded to questions that were being posed to someone else. I was a little dizzy and a little confused. My perception of the world around me had changed because my circumstances had changed.

Dorothy may have gone to Oz, and Alice may have gone through the looking glass, but last night, I went through the buttonhole. I had the opportunity to shift my perception, have the experience, then remove the buttons, and return to my normal viewpoint. I actually felt fortunate to have the ability to take away the buttons and see my world as I had only a few hours prior. It was a relief to remove the filter I had been looking through and find Tank Girl, Everett, a sexy kitten, a ghostbuster, and my "crazy" boyfriend all standing there chatting and laughing... exactly as my memory was waiting to find them.

In short, perception is a tenuous thing. Even the most minor changes in one's mental or physical setting can severely distort one's perception of reality. Many times, if we were able to take a step back, stop pointing fingers and casting blame, and instead question our own perceptions, we might be able to avoid some of the dizziness and confusion in our lives. We cling to a perceived reality as if there is no possible alternative, without realizing that sometimes all we need to do is remove the buttons.