29 October 2007

Enjoy having your salad tossed?

Yes, now there is a place you can go to have your salad tossed in public...

I think I want a part-time job there... just so when people ask me what I do for a living I can say, "I'm a professional salad tosser."

... so I can answer the phones, "how may I toss your salad today?"
... so I can say, "welcome, may I toss your salad?"
... "I know your type... you like having your salad tossed."

and there's... "Welcome back! Would you like your salad tossed the same as usual, or would you like to be a bit more adventurous and try a different way?"

At a place like this, do you charge extra for the 'happy ending?' or just fifty-cents for 'extra sauce?'

Yep, I could go on and on... but no, I would rather read your bad puns...
GO for Teh Punny!!!
Come on people, let's hear it...

ps. if you get the joke, you get it... if you don't, don't ask, just let it go... or go to: urban dictionary and find out for yourself if you must (don't say I didn't warn you).

27 October 2007

NaBloPoMo '07

It worked for me last year... might as well do it again!

I really feel like I need to be writing more (and thus posting more). I've missed the Interwebs, and I think making a commitment to NaBloPoMo is a great way for me to get back into it.


26 October 2007


So, I'm sitting outside with a glass of wine, after a bitch of a week, and I'm thinking about relationships (in the romantic sense). Past and present. Mine and others. And, it occurs to me that although I'm perfectly willing to accept part of the responsibility for my marriage not working, I've never really sat down and thought specifically about what parts of the not working I'm actually responsible for. What things did I do, or not do, what is MY part of the lesson? What is it that I need to be accountable for, that I need to learn?

So, now I'm thinking...

The first thing which occurred to me was communication. I am definitely guilty of poor communication. This is actually something I've known about myself for a long time, and have been trying to work on for years. In the last several months, I've learned how to communicate my thoughts more clearly, although I still have trouble asking for help, and asking for what I need from people.

Next, I think I need to work on passive aggressive reactions. I was chatting with The Muse earlier tonight, and recognized that what I was identifying in someone else as passive aggressive behavior, was very similar to reactions I've had in the past. And, I know I've gotten better at expressing my feelings, but I also know I still tend to let things that bother me go by without commenting. Then, later, I find myself making snide passive-aggressive comments, without actually addressing the issue at hand. I would like to be able to say I haven't done this with anyone but 'the ex', but, I've found I still tend to do it, only much more subtly.

There are too many times I don't think I have a right to whatever feeling or emotion I'm having, so I don't say anything. I think maybe I'm over reacting, or confused about my emotions, or that I ought to "think about it before I react" so I keep quiet. By the time I've figured out how I feel, my chance to comment has passed, and I feel like its too late, so I don't share my feelings. Maybe this is just another communication problem after all. Again, its something I've been working on for a long time, and although I've gotten better, I still have issues.

I can't help but feel like there's more to all of this. I'm going to have to continue to think about it.

23 October 2007

Its a fact.

Ok... so the rules of the game are that you have to say 2 truths and 1 lie. Each person has to guess which one is the lie. See how well you know your friends...... Good luck!

1. I was given my nickname at faire... as a joke, but now it actually fits.
2. I have never been naked in public... in fact, aside from childhood, only 4 people have seen me fully naked.
3. I can put both my ankles behind my neck... at the same time.

Which one is the lie??

21 October 2007

Mental Illness: not just for breakfast anymore.

There is only one way to describe my work... by letting you experience just a little taste of it.

These quotes have been compiled over the last month or so.

"These crackers taste like tea bag!"
"Marge get off the phone!" (there is no one named Marge anywhere at our facility)
"Pets are smart people!" (this was actually said by one of the teachers)
"NO! Scottish IS Jewish. I swear!"
"You are dumb! D-U-M spells dumb, and that's you!"
"Pay attention to my face!!"
"How do you spell Orangutan..wait! I mean potato?"
"Whoever smelt it dealt it." (ah, the classics never die)
"They did good, it matches your face" (in reference to a co-workers fixed teeth)
"Elton John?! He's not gay, he's a good singer!"
"GAH! Leave me alone!!!!" (after asking her what she wanted for breakfast)
"The voices in your head, are SO NOT a 6th sense." (yeah, that one was me)

and, my favorite conversation from last week:
Student: "I wish I were allergic to metal."
Me: "oh? uhm...I know I'm going to regret asking this, but why?"
Student: "So I could stay away from people."

Oh, and I should mention that one day last week, The ShortBus let me know that his "blue mustache has blue on it." I'm not entirely sure where that came from, but he just wanted to be sure I knew. And now, we all know.

17 October 2007

Save the Boob

The Breast Cancer Site

This year, one of my biggest joys was being able to help raise $300 at Tips for Titties.

One weekend a faire, one of the ale stands donates all their night tips to help fight breast cancer. This year, it also happened to be the same night as the Morris Enterprises Scavenger Hunt. So, on the list for the hunt, I made one of the items, "make a tips for titties donation and collect a pink ribbon."

I expected $50 at the most.
We ended up donating $300. One-third of their total donations for the night.

You guys blow me away. I am so impressed.
Yay for boobies!

09 October 2007

Memories to Keep & Lessons Learned:

  • Geisha dresses & Bukake jokes (its not an invitation, just a comment).

  • Laughing so hard I cried (and death by corset, beer, & Nanning is NOT the way to go).

  • No matter what it looks like, that wall is NOT solid.

  • A great Waltz (apparently ballroom dancing Bruno style IS a full-contact sport).

  • Sometimes a compliment is just a compliment (and when it is, its really nice).

  • "my god its full of stars..." is even funnier as a text msg. at 2:48 am; add naked and freezing to that, and you've found The Funny.

  • Missing the cymbal and kicking the counter.... yeah, it hurts.... much more than I let on.

  • I'm not the only one who needs a Math Helmet, but I AM the only one who has one.

  • Mimostleys are the best breakfast food ever, and everyone makes them slightly differently.

  • One can learn great lessons about oneself from having "the pox."

  • Seeing amazing photos in a 'special sneak preview' is awesome! Hooray for being a part of the "inner circle."

  • Hearing Glen's name more times than when he was actually HERE makes me snicker.

  • Not only is being introduced by the wrong name slightly awkward, but it hurts a little too.

  • $80 can be a bigger insult than being accidentally introduced by the wrong name.

  • A great conversation with someone I hardly know, but have always had some kind of odd connection with... I swear we've been great friends forever, we just never knew it.

  • Sex sells... even when it's on Garlic Bread.

  • Incest jokes really ARE funny.

  • I love being considered 'special' even if it IS in a short bus/helmet kind of way.
Next weekend.... we disco.

06 October 2007

Happy Birthday Mom

Stolen from an email:

Someday when my child is old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell him, as my Mean Mom told me:

I loved you enough to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes.
Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all.
I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.

I had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
My mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where I was at all times.
You'd think I was a convict in a prison.
She had to know who my friends were, and what I was doing with them.
She insisted that if I said I would be gone for an hour, I would be gone for an hour or less.

I was ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making me work .
I had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash, and all sorts of cruel jobs.
I think she would lay awake at night thinking of more things for me to do.

She always insisted on my telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
By the time I was a teenager, she could read my mind and had eyes in the back of her head.
Then, life was really tough!

Mother wouldn't let my friends just honk the horn when they drove up.
They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.
While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, I had to wait until I was 16.

Because of my mother I missed out on lots of things other kids experienced.
I have never been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime.
It was all her fault.
Now that I have left home, I am an educated, honest adult.
I am doing my best to be a mean parent just like Mom was.

I just want to add... not only was my mom "mean", but she taught me how to be strong, have faith in myself, be a proud feminist, and to love all people equally.

And, she is one of my best friends. I appreciate everything she is, and everything she has done to help make me the woman I am today. I can only hope I'm half the mom to The Short Bus, that she is and has been to me.

Thanks mom. Happy birthday.

01 October 2007

The Joy

Many times, in my world, it seems that when life is working well for me, it is not working well for most of my friends... and vice versa. The best part of being me is having the ability to make others laugh, I love to see people happy, and this weekend... I noticed a lot of happy.

The last 5 days have been amazing.

I have noticed more joy and happiness in my friends, than I have in years. To the point where I sat down Sunday night and cried and thanked the universe (or whatever there is to thank) for all good things coming together at once... and all of us being able to appreciate joy at the same time. Almost everyone was SO happy, and it was so nice to see for once.

There are psychological principles which discuss the way our brains process events, and that we are more likely to retain the traumatic events in our lives than the good events. The day I learned about this, I began to attempt to retrain my brain to retain the good. Yes, I will remember the bad things, but I have always had a terrible memory, and I figured if I'm only going to remember a few things, I'd much rather it be the good stuff.

From this weekend, I managed to retain all the good... and actually ended up with a few pictures to keep those memories forever (thanks to Glen and others, I didn't bother to get out MY camera).

Glen being knighted.
Visits from Millie, Portia, Bill, Angus, Eric... and others (at the booth while I was working - shh... don't tell Patrick).

Meeting Gar, SaintOn, Beth and so many other people. (you are all so amazing! How'd I get so lucky?)

Having the ability to chat with Kurt and Danielle... again. (love you guys)

Curling up, warm, and safe next to an amazing Italian, who seems to tolerate a drunk snoring Giddy really well. (yay for earplugs!)

Being French... and part of the Sunday Polka-dot Panty Brigade with Jessica & Anita. Stripes next weekend oui?

Bloody Sunday... Thanks George (and no, bloody Sunday has nothing to do with polka-dot panties, don't be gross!)

Girl's Ale... "I can't finish this, lets give it to Giddy." (a quote I overheard a couple of times... thanks for that & yay me!)

The scavenger hunt, and actually raising REAL donations for boobies. We all love them, I just didn't realize, if I put it on the list, you guys would actually make serious donations. Thank you so much. I love my family. And, I love being able to say that as silly as we are, when something matters, we totally can make a difference. You guys have no idea how much you all mean to me.

Its funny, I thought last year was the best faire ever... I wasn't sure how it could be topped. This year has just blown it out of the water. I'm looking forward to two more weekends of general happiness and random joy... readygo.