Christmas Rant (...or not?)

What the hell?

By this time last year I had at least one rant about how much I hate x-mas. Good grief. I must be getting soft. My shopping is almost done, and I'm still okay with x-mas. I actually went out and bought a little tree today... its all decorated and festive-like

I'm a little worried... what will happen if I lose my bah-humbug-ed-ness?

I actually said "I love Christmas!" today... of course it was after getting a good laugh out of this article: Woman Gropes Santa. And, then this one (which I could barely read... just look at the photos): Santa hats on whales. I mean really, what other holiday has articles like this?

Yes, seven days before x-mas, and I haven't started ranting yet... must be a record of some sort.


********************
Ps. No word on the job yet, but I had a dream last night that they offered it to me. I promise to let you all know when I hear something. At this point, I'm not going to even worry about work until I get back from The House of Mouse in mid-January.

Another Interview

I was worried.

I thought maybe I had lost my mojo. I thought, "holy crap, I can't interview for an adult job for anything... I'm stuck."

Yet today, I walked into a Planned Parenthood office, and was spot on. They loved me, hell, I loved me. It was the best interview I've ever had for a job I actually REALLY want.

Once again, I have to thank my mom. To be able to tell them how passionate I am for the cause, to tell them how important I think the service they provide is, to tell them that since I was 15 years old I have appreciated Planned Parenthood.... to sit in an interview and tell them that my mom taught me from a very young age about how my body is my own, and I am the only one who gets to make decisions about it. Period.

To work in a job, and make a career out of something which aligns so closely with my own deeply held personal beliefs is a very exciting thought.

To, mid-interview, stop and have a vivid memory of the march in L.A., and what a huge impact it had on me as a person. Then to be able to tell the panel that was interviewing me a brief story about it, and how important my mom has been in helping me to develop my value system... even if I don't get the job (which, I'm pretty sure I will), the experience was wonderful.

If I get this job, I have mom to thank. I also hope that it makes her proud. Not that the job I do now doesn't, but this is different... she put a lot of effort into teaching me to value myself, and women in general, and now I finally do, and I want to give back ('pay it forward' as it were). I know it will be a job that I am proud to do.

I have a really good feeling about this, and all signs point to yes... which is really convenient considering I gave notice yesterday, I'm not going back to my current job after christmas, I just can't do it anymore.

I should know by the end of the month.

*Photo: I finally picked up my vanity plates for my car! Hooray!*

Hey! That Hurts!

Upon waking this morning, my first thought was, "Shit. Back to reality."
(Then: "ow, ow, ow, why is that headache still there?!?")

It was a nice weekend, as my weekends usually are. I got to eat Sushi with CSB on Friday night, spend two days goofing around with Bruno at Dickens Fair, and wake up each morning safe and warm, feeling relaxed, comfortable, and happy.

But, as my work stress intensifies, I have gone from near constant back pain to a pretty intense headache (off and on today, a lovely combination of the two). I'm seriously ready to go see a doctor, have it diagnosed as stress, and go on disability (ha! wishful thinking).

I suppose what I really could use right now is a sense of stability and security. It really doesn't seem to exist in any facet in my life, and I feel like I'm scrambling for a foothold at the moment. The cliche which keeps occurring to me is that I kind of feel like the rug is being pulled out from under me. Not that it has been, but that someone is tugging on it, and everything is teetering. I am looking for something to grab onto, to help me feel a bit more anchored, but each time I grab on, this sense of insecurity and uncertainty wash over me. So, I continue to flail.

I knew this was where I was headed.
It was my choice.
When you plunge into the void of the unknown, definitely take a snorkel.
The waters can be deep and murky. But, luckily, there are little rays of sunshine that pierce the surface.