03 December 2007

Hey! That Hurts!

Upon waking this morning, my first thought was, "Shit. Back to reality."
(Then: "ow, ow, ow, why is that headache still there?!?")

It was a nice weekend, as my weekends usually are. I got to eat Sushi with CSB on Friday night, spend two days goofing around with Bruno at Dickens Fair, and wake up each morning safe and warm, feeling relaxed, comfortable, and happy.

But, as my work stress intensifies, I have gone from near constant back pain to a pretty intense headache (off and on today, a lovely combination of the two). I'm seriously ready to go see a doctor, have it diagnosed as stress, and go on disability (ha! wishful thinking).

I suppose what I really could use right now is a sense of stability and security. It really doesn't seem to exist in any facet in my life, and I feel like I'm scrambling for a foothold at the moment. The cliche which keeps occurring to me is that I kind of feel like the rug is being pulled out from under me. Not that it has been, but that someone is tugging on it, and everything is teetering. I am looking for something to grab onto, to help me feel a bit more anchored, but each time I grab on, this sense of insecurity and uncertainty wash over me. So, I continue to flail.

I knew this was where I was headed.
It was my choice.
When you plunge into the void of the unknown, definitely take a snorkel.
The waters can be deep and murky. But, luckily, there are little rays of sunshine that pierce the surface.

1 comment:

CamiKaos said...

here's to hoping there's some pretty solid floor to keep you up under that rug girl.