I suppose it is appropriate to share now...

About a year ago, a very good friend of mine (ours) was diagnosed with Leukemia. At first it was one of those, "oh no big deal, we'll treat it and he will be just fine" things (at least that's what I was told). After some chemo, and a long hospital stay, then some more chemo, and more hospital (and other icky stuff), it was determined that maybe he should look into a bone marrow transplant.

He stayed cheerful, in fact, I don't think I've ever met anyone with a better attitude about life and the 'hand' they had been dealt. Though, the decision about the transplant was a difficult one, he held his head high, and came to the conclusion that if he was going to die, he wanted to do it his way... not stuck in a hospital bed somewhere, not feeling awful every day.

In the last few months, he lived his life to the fullest. Making sure to spend all of his time with family and friends, he also lived for himself. Something we all need to learn how to do... to divide our time between family, friends, and ourselves so well, no one feels they are missing out. He gave of himself freely, he loved openly and honestly. He lived the way he always had... with an open hand, an open mind, and an open heart.

At about 7 this morning, one of the most wonderful, sweet, kind hearted, and slightly devious (hehehe) people I've ever known passed away. When my phone rang at 8:30 this morning, and I saw a number I didn't recognize, I knew exactly what I would hear when I answered it.

You know that feeling... when in the space of a heartbeat, time seems to suddenly expand, you get that slight vertigo, you know that time is progressing for everyone else on earth, yet for you... that one second stands still. You know that what you're about to hear is what you've been expecting... yet... perhaps its not what you think. And, you answer the call, only to hear the beautiful voice of another deeply loved friend, shaking and holding back the tears long enough to tell you what you already knew (Love you Kel, thank you so much for calling, and for the picture).

My heart broke this morning. I cried not only for the loss of a true, real friend, not only for the pain of my other friends (my "extended family"), but in a flood of relief for him.

Over the last year, I've said, many times, I wouldn't cry until it is time.
Now it is time.

I love you Drew. Rest in peace.

more later...

even more sad today.

I will post more soon.

For anyone who is worried, I will be ok. I promise.

sad

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death."

-Robert Fulghum

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

to earn the appreciation of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends;

to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others;

to leave the world a bit better

whether by a healthy child, a garden patch,

or a redeemed social condition;

to know even one life has breathed easier because

you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

All I can think about right now is a great friend who is very sick. I don't really know what to write. I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could be there with him. All I can do is sit here, eat junk food, cuddle with my son, and wait for the inevitable phone call.