Gone Again

I always assumed that my brother and I, if either one of us were to have kids, would raise our kids together. 

Some years ago, Janet showed up, and was instantly a part of our family.  She was a younger, more cynical, more evil version of me... someone I definitely wanted to be friends with.  Who else can say that about their sister in law?! 

She stuck around for a while, and eventually she and my brother got married.  Three years ago I got to perform the ceremony... yes, I get to say I married my brother.  And, if that wasn't great enough, a month later, my very first (and so far, one and only) nephew was born.  About 2 1/2 years younger than The ShortBus, it has been a long wait for him to be old enough for the two of them to be the right age to begin to play together.

Right about the time the SlobberBeast started to get old enough that he could run around and play with the ShortBus, my brother and his wife decided that financially, the best choice to make was to move back to Indiana, where Janet is from.

Two weeks ago, my brother brought the SlobberBeast out for a visit.  Janet had to stay behind to work (retail at the holidays... sucks), but the boys were able to come and spend two weeks visiting.  It was great to see them, but reminded me about how quickly toddlers grow.  SlobberBeast left a barely walking, barely talking, munchkin, and returned a running, active, chatterbox with a personality all his own.  He and the ShortBus had tons of fun.

When I said good bye last night I couldn't help but think about the fact that they weren't going to be here for Christmas.  Although I shoved the thought aside then, it has been occurring to me all day... they aren't going to be here for Christmas... and that thought leads me to all sorts of other thoughts about times they won't be here.  All those day to day moments and little bits of growing up the kids aren't going to have together... all those family memories the ShortBus and SlobberBeast are going to have that don't include one another.

When the SlobberBeast was born, I had all kinds of thoughts about what great friends he and the ShortBus would have, and what great memories they would have growing up together.  Now I just hope they have the chance to get to know one another a little, and maybe have some fun together every once in a while when they get to visit.

Crossing the Finish Line

 

 The last day of November.

The last day of Thanksgiving break.

Somehow I managed to do *most* of the "extra" work I planned to do over the break today.  I can't say that I'm entirely thrilled with my November posts, but I can say that I posted something every day for 30 days in a row... for the third year in a row.  Not so shabby.  Next year, I'll do better... or, when I realize that I'm not happy with the quality of my writing, I'll stop.

Right now, it is one more goal that I set for myself that I have successfully completed.  That may just be the bump I need to make it through to the end of the year.

Happy December Everyone.

Homework

I have spent all day sitting in this chair... in front of the computer... surrounded by books... writing a paper ... wondering if I have what it takes to make it through this program.

Each month as a new class starts, I think, "okay, if I can just make it through this one, next month will be easier.  I'll have less going on, and it will be easier to focus... so just get through this one."  Although I am getting closer to my goal every day, I still feel like I am getting closer and closer to burning out.

Thankfully, when I have my mental meltdowns, and figure it would be easier to just go get a job at Taco Bell, CSB seems to always be right there to give me a hug and a pep talk.  I don't know how I got so lucky, he is amazing.

Three weeks until Winter Break.  Thirteen days with the students.  So much to do between now and then.  I have a feeling I'll be doing my Christmas shopping on December 23rd.

No matter what, it will all get done.  In a year (or so) from now,  I'll be looking back at this time and thinking about how important it was that I made it through.  Everything I'm doing right now is not just for my security, or even 'family' security, it's not just for the students who are looking to me for guidance and knowledge, but mostly for the ShortBus who will be able to look up to his mom who worked hard for a stable and secure future.  His mom the teacher.  His mom who has a "higher education."  His mom, is a strong, smart, hard-working woman who will power through this moment of yuck because she knows that on the other side is a lifetime of worth-it.