In this age of little tiny, practically invisible cell phones, its becoming increasingly difficult to differentiate between someone talking on the phone, and some crazy dude standing on the corner talking to himself.
I was sitting at a stop light earlier, and noticed a guy standing on the corner. Nothing stood out, he was wearing black, looked clean enough... then I realized a couple of things: (a) its raining buckets, and he's only wearing a sweatshirt (and doesn't have the hood up), and (b) he's talking to himself. I sat there watching, trying to decide if he was having a conversation on the phone, or if he was really talking with himself, while he chatted away (complete with gestures) and paced in about a 12 inch area. Little steps to the side, forward and back... seemingly impatient for the light to change. Then a thought occurred.
The guy is apparently 'not quite right in the head', he's talking to himself, gesturing to himself, obviously agitated... why is he taking the time to wait for the light? Why is it that no matter how "crazy" a person seems to be, they always stand and wait for the green light? I have worked with kids who could look at a picture of someone crying, yet couldn't identify the emotion they saw in the picture, but the same kid would stop at the corner and wait for traffic before crossing the street.
Which brings me to an entirely different question. Why is it that we 'normal' or 'sane' people get to pick and choose who is actually hearing god, and who is just goofy in the head? How is it that a guy can wake up one morning, put on a suit, say he heard god speak to him, and we put him on TV? Yet, a different guy wakes up one morning, doesn't have the opportunity to shower or eat a decent meal, but goes out on the street, says "holy shit I heard god last night!" and we deem him insane.
Maybe its just me, but something seems wrong with this picture.
08 February 2007
06 February 2007
How the "D" Word Made Me Smile
Earlier this evening I started feeling happy. Short Bus (who has recently informed me,"mommy, I am not a Short Bus, I'm a Rock Star.") and I were out 'grocery' shopping (fruit and booze, I'm sure the cashier was silently laughing at me), and this feeling of calm peacefulness came over me, suddenly I was smiling and laughing... and enjoying myself. And then, in my head, I hear The Muse's voice,"I feel a blog coming on." Seriously, if that voice becomes my conscious or my "inner voice," we're all in big trouble.
So, as a bunch of you have likely heard, or assumed based on my recent writings, divorce is in my immediate future. I have run the gamut of emotions, with stress and fear leading the pack. Knowing in my head, and with my intuition, this is the Right thing to do, part of me was having trouble reconciling the idea. That same part of me was having problems throwing comfort and security out the window, and starting over, from scratch, with another little person depending on me for exactly those things. The idea that this is a purely selfish act has weighed heavily upon me for a very long time.
Every day in the past month has been filled with emotion and drama, questions, comments, uncertainty, and a bit of confusion. I recently told someone that I feel like I'm walking on a fun house floor... only, its not really all that fun.
But tonight, I had one of those rare moments, sitting in the car waiting for the light to change. An epiphany moment if you will...
This sense of calm washed over me, and I suddenly felt that everything is working toward being "right." This is the way things are going to be, and it's okay. It is all going to be okay. For the first time in years, I'm not just hoping things are going to be okay, I'm not just wishing for things to be okay, I actually feel that things are really going to be ... better than just okay. Life will be good.
So, as a bunch of you have likely heard, or assumed based on my recent writings, divorce is in my immediate future. I have run the gamut of emotions, with stress and fear leading the pack. Knowing in my head, and with my intuition, this is the Right thing to do, part of me was having trouble reconciling the idea. That same part of me was having problems throwing comfort and security out the window, and starting over, from scratch, with another little person depending on me for exactly those things. The idea that this is a purely selfish act has weighed heavily upon me for a very long time.
Every day in the past month has been filled with emotion and drama, questions, comments, uncertainty, and a bit of confusion. I recently told someone that I feel like I'm walking on a fun house floor... only, its not really all that fun.
But tonight, I had one of those rare moments, sitting in the car waiting for the light to change. An epiphany moment if you will...
This sense of calm washed over me, and I suddenly felt that everything is working toward being "right." This is the way things are going to be, and it's okay. It is all going to be okay. For the first time in years, I'm not just hoping things are going to be okay, I'm not just wishing for things to be okay, I actually feel that things are really going to be ... better than just okay. Life will be good.
01 February 2007
Plus a change / Plus c'est la mme chose
I have been doing a lot of thinking about men and women lately, and, as far as differences go, one thing really seems to stand out for me (okay well, two things, but, one of them is too obvious to bother discussing). Change.
There are so many different points in a woman's life when her body, and her hormones (and thus her chemical makeup) change. Yes, boys and girls both go through puberty, and yes we both very obviously change during that time, and yes, I realize that over the years hormone levels fluctuate in both sexes.
But, women, we have to deal with monthly hormone changes, then if we get pregnant, not only do hormone levels shift in the beginning, but all throughout the gestation period. At the same time our minds are being forever altered, our bodies are permanently changing too. Then there is nursing, a whole different set of hormones are released, birth control alters them yet again, we hit a certain age and suddenly we hit our "sexual prime"... whether or not this 'actually' exists is debatable, but I think if you believe it does, you can cause the biological changes to occur.
Finally (hopefully that's the last one, I'll let you all know when I get there), we hit menopause. Suddenly all the hormones we've been learning to deal with throughout our lives disappear, and we change again.
Heraclitus said, "You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you." This quote has always seemed to explain women in general. We are similar to the river, or possibly the ocean, ever flowing, ever changing, yet somehow still maintaining the same general form. I've always seen men as the tide pools which exist near by... similarly changing, yet containing a quiet universe within which changes much more subtly. The only problem I have with the analogy is that the relationship between women and men is much more symbiotic than that of ocean and tidal pool... and I honestly do believe men are much deeper than the tidal pool comparison. But, having spent so much time in this chaotic swirling mess of hormones, I seem to be at a loss when it comes to understanding men, and how they evolve over time.
Here's my question, can someone please tell me what it is men go through? Do men change as much as women throughout the years? Are we more similar than I think, or more different? I'm not looking for a better/worse who has it harder kind of debate here... I'm honestly asking for opinions and thoughts.
There are so many different points in a woman's life when her body, and her hormones (and thus her chemical makeup) change. Yes, boys and girls both go through puberty, and yes we both very obviously change during that time, and yes, I realize that over the years hormone levels fluctuate in both sexes.
But, women, we have to deal with monthly hormone changes, then if we get pregnant, not only do hormone levels shift in the beginning, but all throughout the gestation period. At the same time our minds are being forever altered, our bodies are permanently changing too. Then there is nursing, a whole different set of hormones are released, birth control alters them yet again, we hit a certain age and suddenly we hit our "sexual prime"... whether or not this 'actually' exists is debatable, but I think if you believe it does, you can cause the biological changes to occur.
Finally (hopefully that's the last one, I'll let you all know when I get there), we hit menopause. Suddenly all the hormones we've been learning to deal with throughout our lives disappear, and we change again.
Heraclitus said, "You could not step twice into the same river; for other waters are ever flowing on to you." This quote has always seemed to explain women in general. We are similar to the river, or possibly the ocean, ever flowing, ever changing, yet somehow still maintaining the same general form. I've always seen men as the tide pools which exist near by... similarly changing, yet containing a quiet universe within which changes much more subtly. The only problem I have with the analogy is that the relationship between women and men is much more symbiotic than that of ocean and tidal pool... and I honestly do believe men are much deeper than the tidal pool comparison. But, having spent so much time in this chaotic swirling mess of hormones, I seem to be at a loss when it comes to understanding men, and how they evolve over time.
Here's my question, can someone please tell me what it is men go through? Do men change as much as women throughout the years? Are we more similar than I think, or more different? I'm not looking for a better/worse who has it harder kind of debate here... I'm honestly asking for opinions and thoughts.
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